Love Love Love

With the redevelopment of older buildings in my neighbourhood is gathering speed and with lesser people now populating the area, I am noticing a new development also happening. In a space starved Mumbai, couples find all sorts of places to koo-chickoo!!! One such place happens to be a corner of my building, which after nightfall provides a safe haven for love birds to flock.

 

With no watchmen to shoo them away, our cars and bikes provide seclusion and shield them from the prying eyes of the world. The solitary tube light entrusted with the task of spreading light to the environs of this particular corner somehow now supports these couples, refusing to come out of its slumber, thus providing the cover of darkness as encouragement. Everyday, when I get back from work, I see some couple or the other utilising the facilities which we have benevolently provided. Some are also playing soulful numbers by Himesssss, or Atif Aslam to create the mood. Kehte hain, paani aur sacche pyaar ko koi rok nahin sakta.  

 

I am reminded of my childhood days when we used to visit the lush green environs of Empress Garden. Empress Garden – Pune – is a botanical park with a huge cover of greenery sprawling over a huge area. There also happens to be a small stream flowing through it adding to the charms. We used to go there on Sundays to generally have a good time lazing around playing cricket and badminton or just running around through the stream. This place is also full of huge trees, as also bamboo groves. Every tree had at least two lovelorn couples “engaged” in affection. Bamboo grooves were even better. These were a perfect camouflage for snakes and couples alike, all of whom used to have intertwined bodies. We innocent minds never understood why people had to hide and talk to each other. Since we were fed on a diet of hindi movies, we thought that love was all about singing songs in the garden around trees. So we used to wait for these people to start singing. But alas!

 

Anywhichways, we soon understood why these guys did so. When we started going to college, we were exposed to many such couples canoodling around. And that too in college since our college – Fergusson – was blessed with plenty of isolated spots which did not remain all that isolated with the ever growing love industry.

 

And the more adventurous ones and of course the innovative ones used to pick up places such as the Lovers’ Lane. This was a lane that connects Law college road to somewhere inside and runs parallel to Prabhat road (for the guys from Pune, if u wanna ever use this!). And yes, there was this amazing technique. You hire a rick. And you pay that guy some money to park the rick very close to the dense growth of trees in someone’s bungalow. And use the rain curtain on the other side. And yippee, you had a private room to yourselves.

 

In Mumbai, though since trees and gardens a rarity, in addition to the spots like my building couples stick to Bandstand, Worli seaface, Nariman Point, Marine Drive and some other places where there is a potent combination of the sea and rocks! It’s very easy to sea that they have a rocking time!!!

Flashback 1997!

During my summer project in my MBA days I lived for about ten days with a bunch of guys from college. I wanted to experience the life of a hostelite. So, while I was still in Pune, I thought this is something that I should try. And experience. (Little did I know that in a years time I would be doing that in Mumbai!!)

Anways, I lived in Aundh – fairly close to the college and had my bike – the Doberman – for company. I lived at a place called Elite Gardens with a bunch of guys who at best can be described as miscellaneous. There were five to six rent paying residents – we never knew which five six among the collective group of twenty guys parking themselves there. I moved in with some of my belongings for an adventure.

Now some of the interesting things that I must tell you guys is that everyone there had a nickname – a funny one with a sound logic to why the person carried that name. So we had “Tarzan”, one who roamed around in multicolored underwear all the time. And we had someone called “Anaconda” cause he was huge and lazy, Then there was someone called “Gundhoo” cause that’s what he was. And of course, “Thakur Dedh Haath” was the guy who had fractured half his hand for half a sem. Then there was “Bhaiyya” who was the gyaani type. And yes there was “Kutta” who seemed to be everyone’s pet.

The usual visitors also had been baptised thus and we had multiple characters floating around. We had one called “Don” for the attitude he had, and there was another called the “Emperor” who was always politically “there”. There was “Sweetie Pandey” who was sweet and nice to all and he hated this name. We also had “Snowy” the darkest guy in college. Then of course there was “Frustoo” for what he felt all the time and “Phantom” who was so thin that he was part of the old jungle folklore. Then there were names that were specially coined for a few people. So we had a “Better Friend”, and girl who was “Miss IQ” with a stress on Miss! We had someone who was called “Harmless” for the way he behaved with the girls. And a girl called “Bhai” cause that’s what she used to behave like. And another was called “Mowgli” for the hairstyle she carried. Whew!

Well, coming back to the hostelite days, I discovered that it wasn’t that easy. You wake up in the morning and there’s no tea waiting for you. The paper is being shared by ten guys, the loo is occupied for a period that seems like eternity. You have to wash your own clothes and by the time you leave home for office, you are half dead. Then you quickly go the nearest udipi joint and have breakfast and tea and count you rapidly dwindling finances. Lunch seems to be like an luxury. And the evenings seem to just make it worse ‘cause you are already missing home.  No wonder, I found myself back home in ten long days enjoying my parents “chatra chaya”!!!

Traffic ecosystem in Mumbai

Anyone who drives a car in Mumbai needs to know the pecking order on the roads. As I moved up the vehicle ranks, I realised that I have fallen lower in the traffic food chain. There were times when I was the King, oh how I have fallen!!!

To quote a famous Amitabh Bachchan dialogue from Agneepath “Kehne ko toh yeh shehar hai, par yahaan jungle ka kanoon chalta hai. Yahaan par har taqatwar apne se kum taqatwar ko kha jaata hai.”(Roughly translated: “This may be a city, but ruled by the laws of the jungle. Every strong species eliminates the lesser species here.”)

Here’s how it looks like on the Mumbai roads – 

 

Traffic ecosystem on Mumbai roads

Pedestrians: These species is highly evolved. We walk therefore you are, seems to be their motto. Footpaths or no footpaths, these kings have to walk on the road. Vehicles have brakes, this species doesn’t. Red light, green light, no problem, we walk, jump, squeeze through.
Be wary of: Their limbs and their mouth. Limbs can be used for varied intimidating gestures and also cause damage to the vehicles of lower species. The mouth can be used for noises, usually provoking the lower species into confrontation.

Bikers: These are the leftists, zoom with gay abandon with no regard whatsoever for the others around. High speed starts; cutting lanes etc. is the basic character.
Be wary of: The middle finger and tough glares at other species. Occasional damage can be caused to others vehicles.

Rickshaws and Taxis: While these are the pests of the traffic ecosystem, their sheer numbers places them on higher in the ecosystem. Known for blocking lanes, slow take offs, stopping in the middle of the road and squeezing into every possible gap between anything. Another inherent trait is stopping anywhere in traffic without fore warning.
Be wary of: Causing damage by their noses, which seem to be getting into everywhere!

BEST buses: Were known to be disciplined species but increasingly getting dangerous. All species irrespective of their order are prone to damage from these. Coupled with their size, their scant respect for the lane system can be intimidating for all species.
Be wary of: Don’t get in their way unless you are a pedestrian!

Private cars: The lowest in the traffic ecosystem with stray incidents of notoriety. They are the receiving lot of all. Pedestrians block their way and cause damage if they try to move at any speeds above 2 km/hr which of course is dictated by the rickshaws and taxis, with their dangerous lane cuttings and also by the BEST buses which does not allow them any space to manoeuvre unless they scrape some part of their body somewhere. The private cars themselves show affection to each other with the side mirrors kissing each  other at regular intervals.
Be wary of: High speeds when attained late at night can cause the driver to be reckless!